ok so tumblr or livejournal aren't the places to resolve stuff like this, i know that. but since apparently we're putting this out there on the internet for everyone to read, alright here i go.

here's the the thing. i've always been here for you, and i always will be. i've told you this many times, one of them being rather recently. if you needed me, i told you that you could always IM me or text me or call whenever, no matter what. so i'm sorry, if i haven't been there lately it's because you pushed me away.

you seemed upset earlier in the summer and like you needed to be left alone, so i did. i left you to yourself to work things out. then i reached out to you, i told you i was here for you whenever, and i thought things were ok, but you still stopped talking to me,again. so, to be honest, i felt like since i reached out to you first last time, it was your turn to do so first if you wanted anything resolved because that's how i feel things should work. it shouldn't always be up to one person to reach out and fix everything every time.

and i'm sorry if you feel like i replaced you. but i never once said that you weren't my best friend or said anything about replacing you. i never once said "o hai look this is my new best friend of 5+ years" so i really don't know where you got that idea.

you should know that the past nine months have been extremely hard for me, and yes they have changed me. i've grown up and i've become independent and, yeah, they've hardened me to where i don't like to just sit around and take crap from anyone. i've had so many "friends" hurt me, so i'm sorry if i can only take being let down so many times. and maybe it's been harder with you, because you're my best friend, and i held you at higher expectations because you were the one i've always thought that i could count on. i mean, you're the one i've always imagined would stick around. i saw you at my wedding, i saw there when i was raising my kids, i saw us turning into crazy old ladies together. so when i felt like that was all taken away, yeah it hurt an extra amount and it was a bigger deal for me. and i couldn't help but wonder what happened to us, and feel a bit of anger and resentment.

i've shed many tears over you and this situation the last few weeks, and i'm sure i haven't even said half of things that i've felt about this situation is this little blog. and if you've been hurting, i'm sorry, but you're not the only one. i've missed you, and there's been a ton of times something has happened and i wished that i could tell you about it and laugh about it. yeah, i've also been going out and living my life, because that's how i work. when i feel someone has deemed me no longer good enough to be their friend, then i'm not going to give them the satisfaction of knowing how hurt i am. at least not anymore, not after everything i've been through with my "friends" lately. so i go out, i have fun, and i make it known that they didn't break me. and i'm sorry that i haven't shut myself in my room again, but it's been pretty obvious that i've been a mess lately too. if you've paid any attention to anything i've posted anywhere, it's been apparent because i've had other people ask me about it.

and yes, i've stayed away because i'm not the type of person to force myself or my friendship on anyone when i feel i'm not wanted.

but i can move on from all of this. i want to fix this, i want to fix us. and fine, i'll be the one to say sorry first to fix this ridiculous mess and get as close back to the way things were as we can. this is me extending the olive branch, and although like i said, i feel like a random blog site isn't the place to do this, i know you'll see this. and i know you're smart enough to figure out what this is about and that it's about you.

so there it is. the olive branch is extended but i can't do this all on my own. the ball is in your court now, and it's your turn to make a step. if you want to fix this you can IM me, you can text me, there's a million ways to reach me. so it's up to you now

i really do love you, and the truth is i really do miss you terribly. you know i wouldn't even bother with this if it was anyone else but you.